Then I have my moments.
Like today. I left the breastfeeding support group I go to (which is more like a mom’s group with a lactation consultant in the room….we swap brilliant ideas, talk about childrearing, and encourage one another. And our babies get to play in a safe, neutral place).
As I was walking out the door, Wendy (our LC) said “You’ll be gone to Florida soon, won’t you?” And I nonchalantly, with a smile and a shrug, said “Yeah, I only have a few more weeks at the group! I will miss it!” And I walked out the door. I got home and was curious just how many weeks do I actually have at the group? I pulled out my calendar. One. I have one group day left.
And then I got a knot in my stomach.
I have one day left to see the fellow mamas who have become such good friends with me.
I have one day left to walk down the halls of Emanuel and remember the excitement that last summer brought…the touring of the Labor and Delivery ward, the pre-registration for Luke’s birth, the being rushed to L&D, the Mother-Baby ward, the staying in the NICU (yes, that was a sad and scary time, but we came out with a healthy baby so the excitement still pulls at my heartstrings).
And I still remember my first time going to the breastfeeding support group. My mom drove me and even went in with me. Taking Luke out of the house by myself made me nervous… I hadn’t done this before! (Plus I wasn’t allowed to drive for six weeks.)
And here we are nine months later, on the flip side of the group going not for help as a new mom but to help other new moms. To be the encouraging voice they might need to hear to press on and nurse even if the baby seems hungry every minute of every day. To be the “been there” voice on nursing in a baby carrier. To help adjust those tricky straps that no one realizes moves in the Ergo.
And I cry.
I’m all sappy and then it dawns on me- yes, I will miss all of these things terribly, but what I will really miss about Turlock is that this is the place where I was born. My “wife who clings to her husband” side was born. My “wife who knows how to run a house” side was born. My “daughter who lives three thousand miles away and must be independent” side was born. My “momma” side was born. I became part of the person that I was meant to be in California. And for that reason, California will always be a special place to me.
A little over three years ago, I wrote this a post about us moving. Let’s take a look at the second half of my post when I share good news about moving.
But. There is good news.
1. I know God has a plan for me and my family. This is part of His plan, and I choose to trust Him. It's good to know that God has a plan for little old me, but I feel strongly that part of Him moving us across the country is to teach me to trust Him more.
2. My husband and I are learning to cling together more than we ever have before. And I didn't think that was possible, because we already have more respect and love for each other than I could ever dream. Moving so far away from our known little world in Florida will undoubtedly enable and even force us to cling together even more.
3. Financially, we'll be a lot safer than we are now.
4. I've always (as long as I can remember) wanted to be a Proverbs 31 (see verses 10 through 31 if you are unfamiliar) woman, and I feel that having a "fresh start" so to speak will allow me to create who I want me to be. (Not that I couldn't do it here in our Florida home, but it's almost like a New Year's Resolution type thing... fresh starts can be helpful.)
5. Our small groups from church have helped me become friends with some amazing women. Women that lift each other, that glorify God, and love one another with a genuine love. We've grown so close through small groups, I'd feel blessed if Carl and I could put the idea of small groups in our future church's mind. It's such an opportunity for growth.
6. If any of our friends would like to go to California, we will host you in our home. Any of you. Seriously. Hello, free place to stay!
7. Blogging material! Need I say more? Maybe I'll even go to the BlogHer '11 Conference!
8. Moving! It's gotta be kinda fun, right? I've never actually done that. (How crazy is that? When I "moved" from my parents home to my husband's home, it was more like "Come home from my honeymoon and my new home is full of my things"....that I didn't pack. Yep, family moved me in to my new home. It was such a blessing to come home from our honeymoon with no moving to do!)
9. We're going on an adventure. That's always fun, no? Carl and I always have so much fun when we're sightseeing together, exploring a whole new town is bound to be a blast!
10. Planes make traveling easy. We don't have to take 5 days to make the cross country drive, we can hop on a jet a fly home for holidays. (This gives Christmas music a whole new meaning... think: "I'll be home for Christmas.")
When I wrote those words, I never knew how true they would be. Looking back at the past three years, here’s an updated list.
1. God sure did, and still does have a plan for me and my family! I never knew how much I would grow as a person by moving to California.
2. My husband and I cling together more than I knew possible, and now I also know that we will continue to cling together in the future in ways we can’t even fathom now.
3. Still true. And by the grace of God, Carl is able to telecommute so our income should remain the same. And we will still have insurance!
4. Having a “fresh start” in California to bloom where I have been planted has helped me be the woman, wife and mother that I have wanted to be my whole life. I’m not perfect by any means, but I’m growing daily and for that I am thankful.
5. We didn’t start small groups through the church, but the amount of times we get together and fellowship with our families in Christ here have been so wonderful. We learned the true meaning of hospitality. One family has opened their doors every Saturday night for a bunch of families to gather at, and another family is known for their willingness to open their doors on the spot, despite it sometimes being a “messy” house (that no one cares about anyway!). I hope to be able to do those things one day. Getting together in their homes have given us so many wonderful memories I hold dear to my heart.
6. We did host some of our Florida friends in our home! Not very many, but that’s okay!
7. Blogging material. HA! NEED I SAY MORE!??!
8. Moving…. um, do you remember our adventure out here?! I pray that it isn’t so “fun” on our return move! HAHA!
9. The last three years HAVE been an adventure…. learning California laws, taking day trips around the state….it’s been a blast.
10. Planes do make traveling easy, but after my flight home I am hoping to not be in the air for a while. I’m a little tired of planes.
God has been so so so good to us.
This upcoming Saturday, our dear friends are hosting a BBQ as a goodbye party for us. We are so incredibly blessed. Words can’t even explain!
As hard as it is going to be leaving our friends and our life here in California, I trust that this is the right move for our family. I hope to be a blessing to a future family the way our California friends have been such a blessing to us.
